I said in a previous post that Beth Allison Barr’s book is a history book. She therefore does not pass judgement on whether people were actually following God’s will; she simply tells us the sacrifices they made. As an historian, that’s great; as a believer…that’s unsettling. What if the sacrifice they made wasn’t really what God wanted? After all…maybe we’re more “enlightened.”
Enlightened Complementarians
Granted, they don’t use this term, but that’s exactly what many complementarian leaders seem to feel. In her second to last chapter, Barr has an extensive section where she discusses this phenomenon.
Grudem actively argues against female leaders in the church, as it “erodes orthodoxy in churches, leading to misinterpretation of Scripture and lack of trust in the Bible.”[1] Timothy Keller suggests that “only those who agree with biblical womanhood…have a right understanding of the Gospel.”[2]
But Dorothy Patterson – who was the wife of SBC president Paige Patterson, and very much advocated for wifely submission – said it best: “only complementarians…[preserve] ‘the pure Word of God.’”[3]
As in so many instances, Barr’s words echo my own experience: “I had fallen for the biggest lie of all: that adhering to complementarianism is the only option for those who believe the Bible is the authoritative Word of God.”[4]
I believed that. I still have trouble un-believing that. And I think that’s why so many who are deconstructing have stopped going to church altogether. If you don’t believe what conservative evangelicalism teaches, you’re not actually a believer.
That, for obvious reasons, is a very dangerous line to draw. Not only is it self-righteous and Pharisee-like, but it also gatekeeps faith. No wonder so many who are deconstructing don’t go back to church; they’ve been told if they disagree, they aren’t actually believers anyway.
Enlightened, or Just Different?
Ok. So my “I’m-more-enlightened-than-past-believers” attitude is actually something complementarians push. Interesting. But why am I writing about it? After all, my goal is to help heal, not to provoke or rouse anger.
Simple: it helps me see history differently. Rather than judging people of the past for not following God the way I think they should have, I see their sacrifice through their particular cultural lens. The cultures of the past interpreted God differently – which means their sacrifices were different, too.
And seeing how others were constricted by their culture helps me understand my own life better.
A Culturally Ordained Sacrifice
In the medieval era, a woman’s primary calling wasn’t to be a wife and mother.[6] Instead, “the further removed medieval women were from the married state, the closer they were to God.”[7] Interestingly, this meant that “virginity [was] praised as the highest calling for women.”[8] Or the next best thing – widowhood.
Widows like St Paula were elevated above the wife and mother. After her husband died, St. Paula “abandoned her children for the higher purpose of following God’s call on her life.”[9]
Abandoned. Her. Children.
The thing is, there’s no way God would actually approve of that. I’m convinced of it. We know how traumatic abandonment is for kids; can you imagine if it was done in the name of God?
And yet…she did amazing things in Jerusalem – like found a monastery and help St. Jerome with the Vulgate Bible.[10] Say what you will about the Bible being written in Latin, it still opened the Word of God up to the West. Latin was the common language, and it’s not like they understood Greek and Hebrew. This was huge! She was part of a Gospel-sharing initiative that impacted people for hundreds of years. She also gave to the poor, “took an active part in Jerome’s preaching,” and helped Jerome through disagreements with other Christians.[11]
That’s amazing! What a life spent for God!
And yet…what happened to her children?
Well, if Wikipedia is to be believed (I know, I know), it seems her children followed in her footsteps.[12]
Against all odds, her sacrifice was honored.
And this brings me to my truly enlightened point:
We may not always make the *actual* godly decisions as we follow the cultural dictates of womanhood and manhood; in fact, we may make ungodly decisions because of our cultural blindness. And yet, as St. Paula’s life shows, God still honors our sacrifice when we do it for Him.
My Less than Enlightened Sacrifice
This thought has greatly helped me on my own deconstruction journey. I’ve often caught myself wondering what I would have done with my life if I hadn’t believed the lie that the highest calling is to be a wife and mother. (Yes, I do believe it is a lie; but I’ll get to that next time.)
Now, this took a LOT of deconstructing and went through several iterations. At first, I wanted to be a pastor. This was a really hard time during my deconstruction phase. Every Sunday, I was filled with intense jealousy that a man’s thoughts and interpretations on scripture were culturally more valid than mine – and thus allowed to be said from the pulpit.
But I realized that preaching wasn’t my true passion. And once I realized my real sacrifice, I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to see it. It’s so obvious, it’s amazing it got buried in the first place.
If I could do it again, knowing what I know now, I would be get my PHD in biblical history. I love history. I love the bible. And I love how they come together. Showing people how the culture of the past enhances our understanding of the scripture is such a passion of mine. (Which is probably why I love Barr’s book so much!) I’d still be a wife and mother; but I would have pursued that passion, too.
A Sacrifice By Any Other Name…
But…I sacrificed that dream in order to be a wife and mother. I didn’t do so knowingly. Not really. I was simply fulfilling what my culture told me was the biblical way to follow God.
And yes, I’m crying a little as I write this. Sacrifices are always hard, and it’s even harder because I feel I didn’t actually make a choice.
But you know what? I don’t regret my sacrifice. Even though I write with tears in my eyes, I’m at peace with it. It took a little while, but I got there. Yes, I know I could go back to school; but I can’t take money (that we don’t have) and spend it on schooling when my children will need it to achieve their dreams.
And even though I don’t think God actually called me to sacrifice those dreams for Him, I do believe he will honor that sacrifice. I’m not willing to take it back.
Before, I unknowingly sacrificed for him; but now, I lay these new dreams at His feet. Who knows how He will fulfill them? I, for one, can’t wait to see!
Beth Allison Barr helped me see women like St. Paula in a new light. We had drastically different sacrifices; and yet, we share the burden of having to conform our womanhood to our culture’s “highest calling.”
And I hope you’re encouraged by her example, too. I’m sure you made sacrifices defined by our culture; God will honor them if you let Him.
Notes
[1] Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth (Brazos Press, 2021), 178.
[2] Ibid., 199.
[3] Barr, 102. Elizabeth H Flowers quoting Dorothy Patterson in Into the Pulpit: Southern Baptist Women and Power since World War II
[4] Ibid., 204.
[6] Barr, 78-79.
[7] Barr, 103.
[8] Ibid., 91.
[9] Barr, 79.
[10] Ibid.
[11] https://www.vaticannews.va/en/saints/01/26/st–paula–roman-matron-.html
