Living as a Survivor

sleeping beloved

The Triumphant Entry

I love the image of our Sleeping Beauty claiming her rightful place beside her bridegroom.  I imagine her entering with joyful tears in her eyes.  After all this time, she is finally going to be united with her true love.  This, this is what she has been waiting for…and I can’t help but think that it is so much sweeter because of the wait.

As I say that, I’m acutely aware of how painful the waiting can be.   For while we wait, we must grapple with the possibility that what we hope for may not come true…

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sleeping beloved

Without Love there is Only Death

The end is as satisfying as one of our own fairy tales.  The “rebellious” queen and her minion are certainly living in a “scorched land.”  Talia – a “prisoner” of the queen and once “deserted” to her sleeping death – is now “provided” for and is given “prosperity.”

And all because our Sleeping Beloved heeded the call of love…

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sleeping beloved

The Unloved “Other” Woman

The queen is in a loveless marriage.  She is childless.  In the eyes of the world, her position is shaky and her worth is of little value.  

The queen is a Sleeping Beloved, too.  Her heart has been asleep for far longer than Talia ever was.  Her soul is in pain, her wounds are deep. 

And then, she sees these beautiful children – the other woman’s children.  The queen is faced with her “failure” and her emptiness…and something in her snaps…

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sleeping beloved

Zellandine Restored

Last week we left Zellandine bereft, but choosing to be a survivor.  A part of her heart was missing, though, for how could she forget her lost babe? 

No mother can forget her child, yet God tells us it is more likely for a mother to forget than for Him to forget (Isaiah 49:15).  God did not forget Zellandine’s distress – and He has not forgotten yours.  Christ’s coming is evidence of this.  He came to heal, to free, to comfort, to restore.  We may not understand why evil things happen, but we know God does not condone sin and that one day all will be restored.  If not in this life, then in the next. 

While we wait for restoration, life goes on, as Zellandine’s did…

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sleeping beloved

Zellandine’s Choice

I didn’t want to write this blog post.  It felt too risky, too vulnerable.  I’m frightened someone will misunderstand what I’m saying, or they’ll take it out of context.  But I felt compelled to speak out for Zellandine in this matter; after all, she speaks for me in so many ways.  

Zellandine still loves Troylus and she chooses to run away to Britain and marry him.  This is perhaps the most controversial portion of the story to the modern mind.  How can she do this?  Why does she do it?…

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sleeping beloved

Zellandine the Survivor

I am still amazed at the tenderness with which the author depicts the emotions of a survivor of violence.  He captures the moment when the choice to be a survivor is made, and yet shows how that choice  is a constant struggle.  For as any survivor will tell you, shame and fear and secrecy are hallmarks of the continuous battle.  

The Enemy strives to have us define our identities by our circumstances.  Like Zellandine, our identities are assaulted in many ways.  The harsh words of a loved one, the disdain of peers, the emptiness of being alone…or perhaps you, like Zellandine, are a survivor of violence.    

We cannot control our circumstances, but we can control our reactions.  We have a choice: to become hard or to become strong.  You must not confuse the two…

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sleeping beloved

Zellandine Awakes

Zephir forces Troylus to leave Zellandine when her father and aunt come to check on her.  Her aunt continues to care for the sleeping Zellandine as she grows great with child, and in due time Zellandine gives birth to a son.  As the babe is searching for milk, he begins to suck on her little finger – the finger with the splinter of flax.

Out comes the flax, and the curse is lifted… 

…And Zellandine weeps…

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sleeping beloved

The Death of Zellandine’s Heart

Sin is accomplished, and has brought forth death.  For rape is as death to a woman (Deut. 22:26).  Themis caused Zellandine’s body to fall asleep; but it is this act that truly destroys Zellandine’s heart.

We want Troylus to be noble.  We want him to be worthy of Zellandine’s love.  We want the “happy ending.”  How can that happen now, when Troylus has done something unspeakably savage?…

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