Before we fully dive into Beth Allison Barr’s book, I think it’s important to restate what complementarianism is. It’s a word that gets tossed around – or sometimes not – and the definition in Aimee Byrd’s book isn’t necessarily what most people have been taught about complementarianism. But whether you know the word or not, you have been effected by it in some capacity if you’ve spent any time in an evangelical church – even if only in passing.
In the Words of a Complementarian
I only think it’s fair to allow complementarians to speak for themselves. So, let’s use a John Piper post from 2021. In answering a write-in question, he addresses what “biblical” complementarianism is, saying:
“From the beginning, in the late 1980s, the term complementarianism included, not just the biblical conviction that men should be the elders or pastors of churches and that men should be the heads of their marriages or homes, but also the conviction that underneath these distinctions in roles there are profound differences in the very nature of manhood and womanhood.”[1]
Piper then uses biblical passages to explain how male leadership is ordained by God from Genesis onward. He ends with describing how, in a Christian marriage, the husband and wife “[model] Christ and the church in roles of headship and submission that cannot be reversed any more than Christ and the church can be.”[2]
For as much as I might disagree with Piper, I like this definition. It communicates the concept simply without letting the nitty-gritty get in the way.
And yet, it’s the nitty-gritty where things begin to unravel.
Submission to the Husband
Piper points out an important component of complementarianism – the submission of the wife to the husband. This is important, as complementarians are quick to say that women do not have to submit to all men. They call this is “predatory” or “pagan” patriarchy.[3] However, Beth Allison Barr quickly points out the fallacy of this belief, saying:
“If men (simply because of their sex) have the potential to preach and exercise spiritual authority over a church congregation but women (simply because of their sex) do not, then that gives men ‘in general’ authority over women ‘in general.'”[4]
I experienced that at the church I attended. Every man – not just my husband – was considered over me in terms of spiritual authority. Their voices counted as more important than mine. Barr confirms that this is a common theme, and also points out that the result is the same as “pagan” patriarchy: “Both systems teach men that women rank lower than they do. Both systems teach women that their voices are worth less than the voices of men.”[5]
The Consequences of Christian Patriarchy
Complementarianism is patriarchy. Perhaps not as harsh as in other times and other places, but its roots are there. And with it come some important and dire consequence, which Barr outlines:
“Christian patriarchy does not remain confined within the walls of our homes. It does not stay behind our pulpits. It cannot be peeled off suit coats like a name tag as evangelical men move from denying women’s leadership at church to accepting the authority of women at work or women in the classroom.”[6]
In other words, the patriarchy in our homes and churches permeates the other places we go. And there are Barna studies to show this is a truth played out in our society.[7]
This is dire. Rather than instilling young Christian men with respect for women, there is an insidious disrespect for them. Insidious because at a core level, a playboy knows he’s disrespecting women; a Christian man does not.
And yet the disrespect is there. Maybe it’s that a woman’s points are sidelined. Or she’s talked down to. She might even be gaslighted into believing she’s the one with the problem.
I’ve seen it, in my life and in friends’ lives. It is subtle; and it is frightening.
However, in most cases, I do believe it’s unintentional. I don’t think it’s meant to be malicious. Unfortunately, it’s how Christian men have been taught to interact with women. Which is a very sad thing indeed.
Where do We go From Here?
It breaks my heart to point this out. I honestly am not trying to “prove” how I’m right and they’re wrong. But I think it’s important to open our eyes to why complementarianism is so dangerous. It’s important to understand the impact that complementarianism is having on our society.
For me, a huge part of deconstruction has been unlearning all the preconceived ideas I have about what it means to be a godly woman. It’s thinking through all the biases I internalized and could potentially be passing onto my kids.
This is vital. If we want to make an impact, we must make sure the next generation sees an accurate portrayal of God in our lives. They must not repeat the mistakes of the past.
So, if you’re deconstructing, I encourage you to root out the areas where complementarianism still rules your life.
And if you’re complementarian? I encourage you to start thinking through whether your actions are after God’s heart, or if you’re simply following what has always been done.
So, I guess I’m encouraging you to deconstruct.
Notes
[1] https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/is-complementarity-merely-functional
[2] Ibid.
[3] Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth (Brazos Press, 2021), 16-17
[4] Ibid.,18, alluding to quote from Russell Moore about female submission
[5] Barr, 18.
[6] Ibid.
[7] Barr, 14.
