There were obviously big picture take-aways from The Making of Biblical Womanhood that impacted me; and yet, I found some incredibly important take-aways from smaller moments. Throughout the book, Beth Allison Barr recounts various anecdotes that tie into her point. Often, I found myself remembering a similar occurrence in my own life. It was eye-opening to see the similarities being taught between churches miles and decades apart. It made me feel not quite so alone – and not quite so isolated, either. And of course, it prompted some internal deconstruction.
In one instance, Barr recounts listening to one of the youth group girls teach the other girls. Barr recalls her “[arguing] from Scripture that women’s primary calling was to be a wife and a mother.”[1]
Instantly, my mind flashed back to my twenties, when I taught a group of teen girls. It was a smallish church, and I was the main female leader. I took that responsibility seriously. At one point, I remember crafting my own study from John and Stasi Eldredge’s Captivating. I didn’t think I called it “biblical womanhood,” and I don’t think I emphasized submission. But I may have unknowingly.
I do know, however, that I emphasized how being a wife and mother was the highest calling for a woman.
And oh, how I regret it.
The Highest Calling
Last time, I claimed it was a lie that being a wife and mother was the highest calling for a woman. That’s because the highest calling for any person – woman or man – is to be a child of God.
I’m reminded of 1 Peter 2:9:
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
Do you see wife and mother there – or even husband and father? No. But you also don’t see other vocations, either.
The highest calling we have isn’t what we do; it’s who we are. You are a child of God! What could possibly be higher than that?
One Calling, Many Ways of Showing It
The highest calling is to be a child of God – but did you catch the last part of 1 Peter 2:9? It says, “that you may declare the praises of him who called you.” Declare the praises. And how do we do that?
By living your life in light of the Gospel! This certainly includes being a wife and mother – or husband and father. But it also includes every other aspect of your personality. The things that make you uniquely you – your unique passions, dreams, ambitions, and hobbies – are ways for you to “declare the praises of him who called you.”
Being a wife and mother is a way I share the Gospel with my family, the world, and with myself. But I also write. And do crafts. And travel. All of that is how I praise God.
Our highest calling isn’t a one size fits all type of thing. It doesn’t exclude people because they’re single or don’t have children. Being a wife and mother – or husband and father – is just one means of obeying the highest calling of being a child of God. (Side note: I want to explicitly include men in this because it’s just as important and doesn’t get said from the pulpit the way being a wife and mother does.)
It’s humans who try and dictate how we praise him with our lives; not God. He just tells us to do it.
I’m So, So Sorry
I wish I had told those girls all this back then. I mourn that I helped perpetrate a cultural-based theology. I fear I may have damaged their faith. My heart aches at the thought of that.
To those who were taught biblical womanhood: from the bottom of my heart, I’m so sorry. If any of my girls are reading this, from the bottom of my heart, I’m so sorry. I pray that you can overcome what I taught and not judge me too harshly. I was trapped, too, and didn’t know it.
But right now, I feel compelled to I take a leaf out of Dan Stringer’s Struggling with Evangelicalism and repent:
God, I deeply, deeply repent of the personal and communal sin of teaching biblical womanhood. I’m so sorry for how I perpetuated it. I’m sorry it’s still being taught. Help me to be part of the solution to bring freedom and to shine your light. For that is my highest calling. Amen.
Notes
[1] Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth (Brazos Press, 2021), 129.
