Troylus “told her all that had happened – how he’d lain with her and swapped their rings, been carried back to Britain and then returned to Zeeland and seen a vision of the beautiful boy and been told by the three goddesses that they were watching over him. They were overjoyed at being together again, but Zellandine felt shame and began to weep because her sweetheart, by his own account, had taken her virginity. But he calmed her by assuring her that ‘it had to be so if you were to be released from sleep.’…Still, Zellandine looked downcast, and Troylus asked why. ‘Alas,’ she said, ‘how can I be other than distressed when you’re the man I love most in all the world, and yet my father wishes me to marry Nervin, whom I cannot love?’”[1]
I didn’t want to write this blog post. It felt too risky, too vulnerable. I’m frightened someone will misunderstand what I’m saying, or they’ll take it out of context. But I felt compelled to speak out for Zellandine in this matter; after all, she speaks for me in so many ways.
Zellandine still loves Troylus and she chooses to run away to Britain and marry him. This is perhaps the most controversial portion of the story to the modern mind. How can she do this? Why does she do it?
Fear
First, as any survivor of violence will tell you, relationships with abusers are complicated. Many women choose to stay with men like Troylus, for they know there’s another side. No one is completely evil or completely good; there is a mixture. It’s why I spent so long introducing the characters of Troylus and Zellandine. We saw the good in Troylus. We know it’s complicated.
Please don’t misunderstand me. Troylus’ actions were downright evil and absolutely inexcusable! I do feel a woman should separate herself from an abusive man; but I understand the desire to stay. After all, the battle of the survivor is constant and often solitary: What if a future partner finds out about my situation? Will he be angry? Will he refuse me?…And what if a he’s worse than what I already have? These are only some of the Fears running through the mind of a survivor. These are some of the Fears Zellandine is combating – and they are very hard to fight, especially when you are fighting alone.
With no one to turn to for guidance, of course Zellandine chooses Troylus. He knows what happened, and he accepts her as she is. Likewise, she knows what he is capable of – both the good and the bad – which is far “safer” feeling than starting anew.
…And History
Regardless of all that, however, Zellandine would still have married Troylus. Throughout most of history, marrying the father of your children meant they were legitimate. This is not important now, but back then it was paramount. It meant you and your children had a respected place in society, and that you would be provided for. Legitimate children – especially sons – meant security and safety for a woman in a very dangerous world. Don’t underestimate this theme – we’ll be coming back to it in later versions.
For our ancestors, then, this was the ultimate happy ending.
Troylus is wrong, by the way: it didn’t have to be this way. There is always another way. But Troylus chose evil, and Zellandine must now deal with the consequences. Try not to judge our Zellandine too harshly for her choice – both natural feelings and history are stacked against her.
Know, however, that this is humankind’s version of restoration. This is not the end of Zellandine’s story. What she lost will be restored…
Notes
If you (or someone you know) is a survivor of violence, please know you are not alone in this. Know that you are dearly loved and there are those who greatly desire to help. Even if you’re unsure if your situation qualifies as abuse, always feel free to reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-324 (TTY)); if you feel it might be abuse, it probably is. Another invaluable resource for helping a survivor process through her (or his) situation is Why Does He do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. But please, be careful and mindful of the dangerous situation and plan accordingly.
Sources
[1] Bryant, Perceforest, p. 413-414
